It’s just a dream….sometimes I feel like I’m living life like it’s just a dream.

My body and brain seem to disconnect and I just go through the motions.

My son got hurt this week, and though I know he’ll physically be okay, he is mentally and emotionally distraught. He was involved in an accident with his sister and ended up with 2 toes, literally, chopped off.

It’s one thing dealing with your own emotions and processing traumatic events, but when you have two children who are devastated, and all you want is to is take away their pain, what do you do?

I know accidents happen and life’s lessons are often way too brutal.  The physical battle wounds will heal, but the broken spirits are completely different.

When my children cry in fear and regret, as they try to understand why bad things happen, I point them to Jesus. I don’t have the answers they seek. I do know that Jesus loves them more than I ever could. I know that forgiveness is essential, and we grow together when we cling to each other and Jesus during difficult times. I know that we have a hope that is not of this world.

Hebrews 13:14 (ESV)

14 For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.

When my little boy cries and says he wants his toes to grow back and my daughter is devastated that she hurt her brother without meaning to…we hug, cry, talk, pray, and sing. It all seems like a dream; a weird twisted dream full of grief, sorrow, hope, and healing.

Romans 8:34 (ESV)

….. Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us

I am not doing well at the moment. I find myself praying less. Not because I hate God or don’t know that he has a plan, but because I’ve already prayed, beat my fists, and asked for answers. Now I just wait. I am thankful that Jesus is interceding for us, when I just don’t have the strength to do it. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. What does God want from me? What are we supposed to learn? What is the purpose of this string of trials that has plagued us for the last 14 months? I just don’t know. I have tried to trust, I have studied the Word and preached myself the truth. I haven’t lost my faith, but I feel like I’m wandering down a long, dusty road with no rest in site.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9

⁸ …… For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. ⁹ Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.

I’m waiting for my answers, and I’m pointing my children to the only one who can answer theirs.

I can only hope to come out of this with a deeper understanding of God and a stronger faith. It sure does make heaven appealing. This world is not my home. 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.